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Experts:
Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it.

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Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a Handy Guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
• Dangerous: What's for dinner?
• Safer: Can I help you with dinner?
• Safest: Where would you like to go for dinner?
• Ultra Safe: Here, have some chocolate
• Dangerous: Are you wearing that?
• Safer: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
• Safest: WOW! Look at you!
• Ultra Safe: Here, have some chocolate
• Dangerous: What are you so worked up about?
• Safer: Could we be overreacting?
• Safest: Here's my paycheck.
• Ultra Safe: Here, have some chocolate.
• Dangerous: Should you be eating that?
• Safer: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
• Safest: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
• Ultra Safe: Here, have some chocolate.
• Dangerous: What did you DO all day?
• Safer: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
• Safest: I've always loved you in that robe!
• Ultra Safe: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
    and my favorite one ...
13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning. And remember: Money talks, but Chocolate SINGS!!!

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