Men are like a fine wine

    They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."
  • Kathleen Mifsud The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
  • Ann Bancroft Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
  • --Bill Cosby I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
  • Rita Rudner Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut after.
  • Benjamin Franklin My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
  • Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  • Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
  • Milton Berle I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  • George Burns I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There's water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
  • Henny Youngman Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
  • Phyllis Diller My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
  • Rita Rudner The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
  • Henny Youngman People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.

A kitty for Abigail

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