A Mother's DictionaryAMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him/her.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. (Boy, ain't that the truth!)
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and he/she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBALIZE: able to whine in words.
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.
WEEKEND: when Dad gets to play golf while Mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.