Real Women VS Martha Stewart

  • Martha's way #1
  • Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You're probably lying on the couch with your feet up anyway.
  • Martha's way #2:
  • To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
  • Martha's way #3:
  • When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
  • Martha's way #4:
  • If you accidentally over-salt a dish while cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Woman's motto: I made it and you will eat it.
  • Martha's way #5:
  • Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • Celery? Never heard of the stuff.
  • Martha's way #6:
  • Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't do it.
  • Martha's way #7:
  • Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • 1 1/2 oz. vodka plus one quarter of a lime mixed with tonic and taken hourly makes more than just those throbbing headaches go away. It will improve your entire outlook on life.
  • Martha's way #8:
  • If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • Go ask the good looking neighbor to do it.
    • And finally the most important tip...
  • Martha's way #9:
  • Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
    • The Real Woman's Way:
    • Leftover wine????

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