Baby Stillborn 1977

In 1977, After having two beautiful daughters, we were going to have our first boy. The entire family was really excited. I had a really great doctor. Unfortunately he had a heart attack in my 8th month. I went in for my doctor appointment and I was examined by his colleague. They told me "Not to worry, your doctor will be back in time for your delivery." When you reach your ninth month you start going for the doctor visit every week. Still no doctor. I went over my due date. I was getting so miserable. On one Friday, I thought that I haven't felt any movement, so I went into my doctors office. (My doctor was still not back yet) The nurse told me that it is usual for the baby to stop moving so much as it moves down the birth canel, getting ready for birth. I should have said "NO, I haven't felt ANY movement, I want an EX-RAY, something to assure me that everything was OK!" But NO, I went home and put up my feet. On Sunday, I had some bleeding so off to the hospital we go. There was no heart beat. I know that my pregnancy had gone over 4 weeks of my due date. My regular doctor was not there to monitor me properly. But no one would listen to me. There was "Stained fluid" when my water broke.

They put me out for the delivery, so it would make it as easy on me as possible. NOTHING was easy. Our son was never alive but he came into this world on March 20, 1977. I demanded on seeing my baby. I couldn't imagine never seeing him. He was so perfect, but cold and lifeless. I have that picture imaged in my brain. Holding him and not letting go. I so wish that I would have taken a picture, but EVERYBODY told me "NO". One piece of advice: "DON'T LISTEN TO ANYBODY! IF YOU WANT A PICTURE: GET ONE!" This is your life and you have the right to demand anything that you want. I was released from the hosptial and we drove to the cemetery and buried our son on Monday, March 21st.

The doctor that delivered my baby, really felt bad. I am not blaming him for my sons death. We didn't do an autopsy, but there are several things that could have happened. I beleive that he had a BM and it was in the fluid. That is the most logical thing that I can live with. In 1977 they didn't have all of the equipment that they do today, but I still feel like if I would have had my original doctor, things might have been different. The doctor that delivered him was just too busy and just blew me off. One more piece of advice: "If you feel something that is not right, keep after everybody until someone listens!" Hind site is awful hard to live with. We manage and deal with it in different ways.

Most people don't know what to say. Most don't say anything. I have one "girlfriend" that I haven't spoken with since. (Ok, maybe she wasn't my girlfriend after all). People just deal with death in some really strange ways.

Some mothers choose to remember their child with special rituals and reminders. Others prefer to write their feelings down. Some do not wish to share their feelings in any way.

Loss of an unborn or newborn baby is tragically common in our society, most people are not comfortable acknowledging it. They do not know how to respond to your sadness over the loss of your baby.

No matter when in pregnancy your baby was lost, or if your baby died after birth, you are entitled to grieve.

• Denial: You may find that you are in denial during the initial shock of losing your baby. You may still feel pregnant. If you discovered your baby died during an ultrasound exam you may be convinced that the ultrasound technician is wrong. Or you may expect to feel your older baby rolling and kicking. You may be certain that you’ll see your newborn sleeping peacefully in the hospital or at home in the nursery or your room.

• Anger: This may go in hand with denial, or come on in a rush after you have lost your baby. You may feel angry at yourself, thinking that if only you had been more careful, not done something, had done something, or paid more attention that your baby wouldn’t have died.

• Bargaining: Sometimes you may find yourself bargaining to get your child back. You may promise to eat better or take better care of yourself. You may think that if you had only been nicer, more fit, etc. etc, that your baby would have lived. You may find yourself having wild thoughts that if you can just have your baby back, you’ll do much better.

• Acute Grief: This term is used in A Silent Sorrow, an excellent book about baby loss. During this stage of grief all your disbelief and shock have faded somewhat, and you are left with the full realization of your loss.

• Guilt: Guilt is part of the acute grief stage, but it’s such an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to put special emphasis on it. You may wonder if you did something wrong, or if you could have somehow prevented your child’s death. Oftentimes there was nothing you could do.

• Faliure: Sometimes women feel like they’ve failed if they lost a pregnancy or even a newborn. They feel that they have failed as a mother and a woman, and may feel that they’ve failed to provide their partner with a child.

• Envy: You may find that you envy other pregnant women or women with babies and small children. This is normal even long after your own loss.

I couldn't figure out how my husband was dealing with the grief. I know that it changed him so much. I never saw him cry, he never talked about it, wouldn't go to the grave, so I asked one night "Don't you think about him?" He said he did, but I believe that was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

It is best to accept your feelings and work through them. Remember that your loss is individual to you and grieving will be in your own individual way.

Your feelings will not disappear you will never be exactly as you were before your loss. But as time goes on you will find that you are able to function a little better. You will be able to smile again and even laugh.

Life gives you a roller coaster ride. If my son would have lived, would I have had my third daughter? I beleive that only God has those answers. Faith has to help us thru life.

	Enter your search terms Submit search form
	Web www.a-woman.com

~ Entdecken Sie online poker bei uns! Mit unserer leicht verst˛ndliche Software, die zu allen Spielern passt, ist Party Poker!

~ Credit Cards

~ Become a Travel Agent and book your own tickets and save. As your own travel agent you can get commissions when other people ordering hotels and travel packages thru your very own travel website.